When I woke Isaac up this morning for pre-school, I realized that this time tomorrow we would be in the midst of the surgery process to give him a cochlear implant for his left ear. I know it is the right thing to do, but as I touched his head above his left ear (where the internal magnet would go), I was thinking that tomorrow there will be a bandage covering a wound on his head in that same spot. Underneath the bandage and the wound will be a miraculous device that will allow him to hear out of his left ear. It is a bittersweet thing. He will have improved quality of life because of it, and for that I am grateful. If I am being competely truthful, I am sad that we have to go through it at all. I know that God will utimately receive the glory for this and Isaac's life as a whole, and I cling to that.
This path that Isaac has been on for his life is not one that I would have chosen for him. It is a path that has many detours, bumps and potholes. It is also a more beautiful and special path than I could have imagined for him and our family.
My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
This is what we have been praying for. This event is what has tested my faith for the past year. I have cried countless tears over this and now it is happening. Our path is not as easy as the paths of others, but not as difficult as some. I am trusting in the Lord for my strength. This situation has grown me so much in my faith and as a person. Like so much in my life, I stress too easily. As soon as something does not go as I expect it to, I get in a tizzy. I flail my arms and legs while running around in circles trying to find a solution on my own. (Not really, but this is how I must look to God! :-) ) I finally get exhausted and trust God. I am learning, and I say learning because I still struggle with this, that I can save alot of time and energy by just praying and trusting the Lord. This is what I am going to do tomorrow. God is in control. He loves Isaac more than I ever could, and that is a humbling thought because I know how much my heart swells for my precious little boy.